Blown Away
by Kisecchis
Summary: Even as one of the last members of an nearly extinct clan, even as a freelancing ninja, you know better than to associate with the Akatsuki. However, when they approach you there's not much of a choice left. Just Hana's luck she's stuck with the one she might even fall for. DeidaraxOC
1. Part I - Enemy

_Hey there! _

_I'm not gonna lie, this whole thing is merely an excuse to write something - anything, really - about Deidara. __Having said that, I should add that english is **not** my first language and this story isn't beta read either. So, if you see any spelling or grammar mistakes,** please tell me** so I can fix them. _

**_Disclaimer: Obviously I don't own Naruto or a lot of characters would still be alive and Madara would rot in the deepest pits of hell :)_**

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_Part I_

_**ENEMY**_

The thing is, I'd always known my Kekkei Genkai would get me into trouble. Not just once, of course. That would've been lucky, and as far as I knew there was no such thing as luck, not in my experience. Not since I had left my village and had started to learn to get by on my own. I wasn't sure what my final mission had been, the one that had really spread my reputation and had triggered whatever it had needed to get me where I was now. I never thought the day my reputation would exceed myself would ever come, so when it did, I was completely taken by surprise. Maybe I was lucky, maybe not, that really depended on how strong my will to survive was. I hadn't expected anyone to come for me at all, so I didn't defend myself, not the slightest bit. The truth was I couldn't have, I wasn't able to react that fast; on the outside it probably looked like I just didn't care enough to do so, and if one believed my reputation that seemed quite plausible. If one believed my reputation I could get out of any situation; I could easily escape if I wanted to. And that was probably the only thing that saved me from being killed right away. I figured a surprise attack probably wasn't the best way to recruit someone, if there wasn't another purpose behind it. Now when it came to actually being recruited by the Akatsuki it seemed only logical that they would want to do some sort of test. And whatever they'd expected, apparently I'd done something right by doing absolutely nothing to evade the thousands of paper sheets that had started to cling to my skin until I was completely wrapped up in them.

Joining the Akatsuki did not sound inviting, nor did it sound like the kind of thing I was drawn to, however I didn't have much of a choice either. I had never liked my clients before, not that anyone knew that. Not because they were unpleasant – not all of them were - but because I killed for them. Everything about that morality – hiring someone to do the dirty work – was against what I thought was right but I was good at it. I may not like it but what did it matter when it got me through? Sadly enough it also was pretty much the only thing I was good at. I was able do to a little bit of healing, true, but not the kind they needed in a hospital. In addition to that I wasn't exactly the warmest and friendliest person to be around; I'd long gotten rid of these characteristics. Coldness and impassiveness just made life in general easier. I had sort of developed my own mantra by now – don't talk; don't open up; don't let anyone in. And I hadn't broken it for ten years, and definitely wouldn't now, no matter how bad the situation I was in right now was. Who was I kidding; it was pretty high ranking on a scale of all the bad situations I'd ever gotten myself into. Not that I'd really contributed to this, whatever had let to one thing after another, at some point I'd done a mission that had eventually gotten me here, in this circle of rainbow coloured silhouettes of nine other people. Every single one of them was far more deadlier than a whole team of trained shinobi, that much was for certain. The only corporeal thing about the attending Akatsuki members were their eyes, which made matters only worse. Not for everyone, but I had a hard time not lingering on Uchiha Itachi's eyes. Everybody knew about the infamous Sharingan and him. Even though the silhouettes were colourful themselves, the deep red Sharingan eyes of his seemed to glow even stronger. They scared me, and right so, judging by the stories that were told about them. Not that I wasn't scared of pretty much every single one of them, again, for a good reason. The cold creeping up my neck wasn't just because of one person's eyes, it was inflicted by standing in a room with nine other deadly shinobi's, that could all kill within a matter of seconds. They'd definitely earned their position within these ranks.

I didn't know them all, not even by reputation, especially because the Akatsuki themselves were still a big mystery apart from the general threat they posed simply by existing. Seeing the Uchiha's eyes or the gigantic sword and hatchet though made sure everyone knew not to mess with them. Although I might have been able to take out some of them, if facing them one – by – one, but in the end that would be suicide none the less. I wasn't stupid. I had to be glad I somehow made it here, it wouldn't get any better, only worse if I tried anything stupid. It had happened more than once that someone had tried to hire me to eliminate Akatsuki, which was so ridiculous it made even me laugh. I knew it was an impossible task back then, and now that I had proof I knew it even more. I might have been able to go against some of them, but there was at least one person I could not beat for sure - and if I only so much as tried Pain would easily slaughter me without even blinking an eye. No, taking out Akatsuki was not an option, not in my current position and on no other occasion.

I was certain they'd noticed the additional listener right away, but no one asked anything. Not surprising, considering that Pain called this meeting, so they were waiting for Pain to open it.

"We've found a possible lead to the Nibi, the Jinchuuriki's father.", he simply stated, as an unceremonious opening.

"About fucking time! It's been too long since I've last sacrificed some shit-head for Jashin-sama!", one of the silhouettes immediately quipped, sounding way too excited for my taste.

"Shut up, Hidan.", another monotone and cool voice next to the one who was supposedly Hidan said.

"Don't fucking interfere you gold-digging di-"

One calm and barely audible "_Enough_" from Pain shut the both of them up efficiently. The dead calmness in his voice made me shiver, which was hopefully not visible through the hologram. "We must lay low for now, it's crucial to not expose our intentions just yet. If they realize whom we are targeting, capturing the Bijuu's will become a lot more effort. For this mission, I believe, Hana here" – he pointed at me – "is better suited."

I hadn't expected some sort of grand introduction or anything, but this was definitely not what I had thought of either. None of them even knew I'd joined their ranks – more or less – until now. What sort of explanation was "Hana will do the job". Of course I'd preferred if he'd just send me straight into working. He didn't have to tell them, he could just let them know about the outcome.

"Who in Jashin's name is that Hana-bitch?", Hidan dulcetly exclaimed. I may not like his way of talking about me and in general, but he made clear what pretty much everyone must've been thinking, apart from Pain and Konan.

"I am.", I stated, forcing the fear out of my voice. Nothing could happen to me right here, right now. On the outside I was an Akatsuki member, I would not be afraid of someone who was the same rank as me."She fills in the empty spot.", Pain quickly added, apparently satisfied with that short explanation.

"So we've finally found a replacement for Orochimaru?", a figure next to the Uchiha stated, though it sounded more like a question ridden with doubt. Me, a replacement for _the_ Orochimaru, one of the three legendary Sannin of Konoha? Hardly. I knew he'd been with Akatsuki. Obviously he wasn't anymore, yet he was still alive. That alone was enough to proof just _how_ good he was. I wasn't his replacement, I never would or could be, but I shut those thoughts out. I wasn't in the place to talk anyway; it was for Pain to decide as what he wanted to present me, and it was his turn to talk, I knew that just as well as anyone else in this room.

"Let Deidara be the judge of that Kisame, after their back from their mission –", now this came as a surprise to me. I hadn't known he would team me up with someone. There was no reaction to be seen amongst the rows of Akatsuki members, nothing that gave away whether this Deidara had known about it or not, but I figured only because hardly anyone was mad enough to protest against Pain. "Phase two is drawing closer, soon enough we'll have to concentrate on capturing and extracting the Bijuu. You wait for her to join you in the hideout Deidara; she'll know where to go from there."

Even without saying it it was clear that there was nothing more to discuss. Pain had a way of making his intentions clear without saying many words. The silhouettes dispersed one after another, and I felt my chakra control waver without the help of Konan, until I was violently ripped out of the jutsu due to my incapability to keep it up any longer.

* * *

The mission scared me. It was scaring me to the point where I wanted to run up to Pain and scream until he made me shut up, just so I wouldn't have to go or face any of this. But at the same time that thought immediately sobered me up enough to stop me from going through with it. Whoever Deidara was, he was just another Akatsuki. And as far as I could judge that fact couldn't make him worse than Pain with his merciless cold heart of steel. If I was lucky enough I might even would be able to hypothetically kill him. That possibility _had_ to stay hypothetical though, it was all in all a stupid thing to even consider, really, but even the thought that if I wanted I _could_ end him would definitely be reassuring. If I could have that power against him in my hand I could use it, even if my threats were hollow. Nonetheless every ounce of respect or power I earned would make it easier to get this through with, without the conscious effort of keeping up the stoic façade of indifference.

I was still in the position I had settled in right after the meeting when a dragging sound like something heavy was moving closer echoed through the hallway. Whoever it was sounded like they had a hard time heaving their body over the rough stone floor, and were was definitely coming towards me. Soon enough a hunched over, rather broad figure appeared in the doorway. If I wouldn't have remembered that particular silhouette from earlier the black cloak with the red clouds answered my questions anyway.

"Hana." The voice that belonged to the figure in the doorway was so deep and rough, I had trouble accepting he had actually said something. Or rather, it even belonged to a _human_. It had sounded more like a cough than my name. I stood up nonetheless, not sure what he wanted from me, but I figured any indication that I'd indeed heard him was better than ignoring him. Anyone would've known that after spending only minutes in the presence of an Akatsuki. Patience wasn't one of their most prominent traits.

"Gather your belongings and do it quickly. I don't like waiting." He didn't leave me any time to ask any questions, and I didn't intend to anger him in any way.

"I don't have any." To my satisfaction it didn't sound as pathetic as I would've expected it to. Then again, by now I'd gotten so used to being on my own without any ties; and this was the least of my problems anyway. Not that he'd care either, I was an assingment and nothing else.

"Then follow me; We're heading to the hideout Deidara's currently at. It'll take a few days to get there. Don't fall behind; I don't care if you're the new one or fragile. If you slow me down I'll leave you behind. You can be replaced girl, remember that." As rude and cold that statement was I could not supress a dark chuckle. If only he knew how very much I could not be replaced. After all that was how I got here initially wasn't it? _Because_ my Kekkei Genkai was nearly unique, because my clan was at the brink of extinction and apart from me there was not one other member who'd made themselves even just minor a name. My spot could be replaced, but not me. I was stuck here. If I could've been replaced that easily I would've long but ran away. Apparently he'd heard my laugh. He didn't bother to stop or turn around, but it did bother him enough to at least talk to me.

"What's so funny?" His voice however did not express the slightest interest whatsoever. It sounded as indifferent as it had from the beginning, and I began wondering whether he possessed any emotions at all. I wouldn't have been surprised if he didn't, people with intact moral standards and a functioning conscience didn't just randomly become killers after all. I could've simply told him why I had laughed but he didn't seem to care, and I had no interest in revealing any details about me.

Maybe my answer was a bit risky, but if I wasn't completely wrong he was the type who'd understand it, and in some twisted way might even appreciate it. "I have no interest in sharing information with you. Can we just move on?"

This time I got a croaky laugh from him, confirming my suspicions. And it shut him up. The silence was something I was very comfortable with. The sooner we got this over with the better.

* * *

The hideout wasn't as far away as I'd have expected. Despite his form Sasori, as I found out was his name, was _very_ fast, added to the fact that he basically hardly ever seemed to tire. I'd always thought my chakra reserves weren't too bad, but compared to him they were petty. As much as I hated it I had to ask him more than once for a stop, too tired to go on any longer. He did stop, however never without complaining about how weak I was. But despite that, from what impressions I'd gathered, even though he was rough, at least he wasn't exactly cruelly unpleasant. He seemed to want to keep his distance, and was just as uninterested in me as I was in him. That was fine by me, especially because he creeped me out even when keeping his distance. There was just something unnaturally cold and inhuman about him. I couldn't point out what it was, but it wasn't just the way his movements were somehow unnatural or his eyes were cold and lacked any emotion; his chakra wasn't like 'normal' chakra either. If I would have tried tapping it I probably would have failed, because it didn't flow through him the way it should. It was more like it was attached to him on certain points, but not at the actual opening points. In addition to that there was a huge pool of chakra in the center. If I wouldn't have known better I'd have said it was like there was a shell around something that was much more alive than the person I saw on the outside.

"Deidara.", Sasori barked as soon as we'd entered the main room, apparently eager to finally get rid of me. Not that I had a problem with that, losing his company felt like a huge relief.

"You don't exactly try to keep your hideouts warm and welcoming, do you?" I wanted to slap my hands over my mouth if it would help take back that remark. Snarky was not the image I had tried to maintain so far, it did not fit with the façade I was constantly building. And it made me seem more human, not as disinterested and remote. There was just something about the Akatsuki that constantly sat me on edge. This hideout was just as bad as the last one, the only good thing was that I'd be leaving it as soon as possible with this Deidara-guy.

"We have an image to maintain, yeah.", a voice suddenly replied mockingly an I turned around with a frown. _An Akatsuki with a sense of humour_? Even through the dim light my opposite's eyes were astonishingly blue and blazing bright with amusement and curiosity. At least I assumed both his eyes were, since I could only see one. The other one was hidden behind a curtain of long blond hair, that seemingly spilled all over his back underneath his cloak, accompanied by a high ponytail. _This one_ could definitely afford being arrogant. He didn't strike me as a ruthless killer though. He didn't look particularly threatening; if I wasn't completely wrong I even had one or two years on him. Now _that_ definitely gave me confidence. Maybe being paired with that Deidara wasn't so bad after all.

"Oi, Sasori-no-danna, it took you awfully long to get here, yeah."

"Tell that to the girl. If I could I would have left her halfway.", Sasori, apparently somewhat superior to the blonde, replied grumpily. It was offending, yes, but not enough to make me risk replying something. Deidara turned his attention towards me and crunched his delicate eyebrows together. Instinctively I wanted to lower my gaze, but I forced myself to keep staring back. I would not back down, not to someone like that boy, barely the same age as me. Sasori or Pain, yes, with them I had every reason to do so, but until Deidara proved me wrong I would stick to being convinced that I was somewhat superior to him, if only because Pain had assigned him to accompany _me_, not the other way around.

"I presume you're the one I am to babysit,_ hime-sama_?" A growl made its way up my throat but I managed to hold it back. I knew it hadn't been meant as a nickname, his eyes, the mocking in them said it all. He thought of me as literally that, a little naïve princess that stumbled into something she had no idea of. And while that might be true on some degree, I was anything but a princess. Even if this situation was too big for me, I knew how to behave in order to survive. He'd not win the upper hand.

"Aren't you a bit young to get caught up in the Akatsuki, yeah?"

_Aren't you a bit young to be up this late? _

"I am Hana, and I'd like for you to call me by my name, since I am not the conceited little girl you seem to take me as." As soon as I'd finished I realized that my harshness did not have the desired effect, rather than the opposite; he seemed to enjoy it. Sasori huffed next to me, and I figured I wasn't the first one to be frustrated by Deidara's attitude. His cheeriness had not vanished the slightest bit.

"I'm Deidara, nice to meet you … hime-sama.", he extended a hand at me, that I had no intention of shaking, especially after seeing the challenging smile he gave me. He was toying with me, and I did not like it one bit.

"We'll be off tomorrow at sunrise, and I will not allow this mission to be a failure, should you get in my way, I'll take you out, got that?" I nearly added a "pretty boy" and bit the tip of my tongue to hold it back. As much as I would've loved to bite back just as much as he did I restrained from it. If I wanted to be cold and unapproachable I could not afford to join this banter, even if I would've known plenty of things to tell him; he was especially infuriating, but not enough to make me forget that I was still lucky to have him insteadof someone else. He didn't reply or show any sign of acknowledgment apart from chuckling and I decided I didn't care either. My patience did not extend to dealing with him.

_Obnoxious brat._

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_If you want to be really really nice leave a review, however short - I'd greatly appreciate it. If not, I just hope you enjoy the story and I can fill your need for a Deidara fix._

_'till next time :)_


	2. Part II - Intruder

_Disclaimer: No surprises here, all rights to Kishi, he's the one killing all the awesome characters._

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Deidara turned out to be as stubborn and persistent as me, which would make this a whole lot more bothersome. Why, for heaven's sake, couldn't he be a hormonal teenager like countless others in his age? That would've given me a reason to punch him hard enough to shut him up, however there was nothing I could do against that smug grin on his face.

Of course he wouldn't be late. Instead he was already waiting outside, seemingly ready, bright blond hair swaying the light breeze and eyes blazing.

"I hope you don't mind but I went through the trouble of preparing means of transportation. And now don't look all grumpy and hop on, I thought you didn't want to waste any time, yeah?"

He even went as far as doing a mock bow when I passed him and I felt the urge to kick him arise yet again. What he had called "means of transportation" was a gigantic white bird-like animal that looked anything but alive. I raised an eyebrow and turned back to Deidara, pointing a finger at the white thing behind me. "What is _that_?"

"Tch", Deidara stomped past me with his head proudly raised and gracefully got on the back of the bird. "_That_ is my art, but I figure you might not have what it takes to see true beauty, yeah."

My frown increased and I quickly got up behind him, far less gracious. I knew he'd just insulted me; however, I had to give him some credit for doing it smart enough to make it impossible for me to retort anything, even though it was beyond me how that ... construction was considered art.

I had barely sat down when the bird spread its wings and with a powerful push jumped a good six feet into the air. It began flapping its wings just like any real bird would, effectively gaining height and quickly soaring high enough to make the trees seem ridiculously small. It was terrifying and astonishing at the same time. I sat on my knees in order to be higher up and see over the side past the spread wings, and the height was making me dizzy. I felt a tugging sensation at my stomach, and I wasn't sure whether it was excitement or fear; whatever it was, it didn't hold me back. I was in a half-kneeling half-standing position to be able to see farther down beneath us and had unconsciously gripped Deidara's shoulder. That successfully drew his attention to me and he turned around to fixate me with an astonishingly smug smile.

"I knew you'd eventually acknowledge the stupendousness of my art. Regardless of what Sasori-no-danna says, this is the true nature of art. It's sudden and unexpected. True art is transient, its true character shows in a fleeting moment-"

He was right; right there on the back of this bird, that still wasn't alive but somehow moved at incredible speed, I could really see what he meant; I understood what he considered art, and I understood why he considered it as such.

But that changed nothing. He was still clothed in red and black. He was still an Akatsuki.

I cut him off and sat down with my back turned to his. "It may be convenient but that doesn't make it special. Also, you're going the wrong way. Like it or not, from here on I'm the one giving the orders."

Even after four days of constantly travelling on the back of Deidara's art, refusing to talk to him any more than necessary, he did not lose any of his attitude. I was even beyond the point of getting angry about it, but he was as cheery as he'd been on the first day, and I began to consider that maybe I'd been wrong about him.

I didn't have to like him, but he seemed to be honestly different. Of course he just as well could be putting up an act, after all I was doing exactly the same, but there was no way of knowing. All I was sure of was that I hadn't expected him to be like that, and he was slowly sneaking up on me. There was only so long you could be angry when he was fixating you with those blue blue eyes. And I was definitely not swooning but I couldn't help but notice how it cost me seemingly more effort to stay mad at him than it had in the beginning. I nearly felt sorry for consciously giving him a hard time.

That was, until I reminded myself that there was no need to do so. First of all, he was Akatsuki, I did not need to feel _bad_ for any of them, and secondly, I couldn't forget what he'd told me in the second night.

_ "__Eventually I'll figure out why you're putting up an act, yeah."_

I didn't know how he'd done it, but he'd managed to figure this much out within two days of barely talking to each other, and it had me tongue-tied from there on, even more than I had been anyway. What if he wasn't bluffing, what if he really was about to figure me out. What worried me wasn't so much the fact that I would've to admit that I was an even worse actress than I thought. No, what really worried me was that he'd know just how scared and helpless I was. The only thought that made that bearable now was that maybe he really was as nice as he seemed to be. Because then maybe he wouldn't use it against me. I did not expect him to understand me or to receive any pity, not that I wanted it, but maybe at least he wouldn't take advantage of it either.

"Deidara why are we landing?"

"You haven't slept properly since we went off, don't think I haven't noticed. I won't go any further before you get a decent night of sleep. I don't want to travel with someone who's barely able to stand upright because of sleep deprivation, yeah?"

I snorted as I slid off his clay bird, bracing myself with one hand against it when everything began spinning around me.

"I can handle myself, can we please move on?"

"If you're going to sleep on the bird's back, sure."

This time he even managed to provoke a frustrated groan from me. "I could but I won't. I'm not gonna put myself in a vulnerable position on top of that thing, so stop bugging me already." My insults against his art didn't even anger him anymore because I had thrown them out at every possibility I'd found. "We have a mission to fulfil, and we can't waste precious time. If anything goes wrong, well I'm the one who has to tell Leader-sama and … just, please don't force me into this delay, please."

My voice had grown more silent towards the end until it was barely a whisper. I didn't want to beg or even ask favours of him, but the prospect of taking too long and angering Pain scared me more.

There was a short silence before Deidara spoke again. "It's self-defence, isn't it?", he replied to my last statement. Of course finally giving in to begging him to move on had been enough to tell him what I was trying to hide. He wasn't stupid and he hadn't been bluffing after all, so I had just given myself away.

I didn't bother to reply. He should just drop that matter, for our all good. I didn't want my mask to crumble, certainly not in front of an Akatsuki member. It was bad enough that he knew Pain wanted to have someone to take care of me, but if he'd find out that not only I wasn't particularly skilled except for the Kekkei Genkei, but also not hard and resolute but wavering and scared to death and lonely and miserable; there was nothing I could hold against him. I couldn't allow myself kill him, and I'd be at his whims – and I still couldn't be sure whether he was being honest or fooling me.

"You're not harsh, you're faking. You're quite the opposite, yeah."

There was no point in acting as if he was wrong. I wouldn't exactly let loose and confirm either, but he was already so close to figuring it out that it wouldn't take much longer. Better make it quick than unnecessarily long and painful, now that it couldn't be avoided anyway.

"Get to the point already, will you?"

"You're scared of Leader-sama. And you're scared of this mission, and the Akatsuki, and therefore, me, yeah."

"I'm not..-"

"Your voice is quivering, and your hands are shaking. I have figured it out, haven't I?"

He had, absolutely and wholly, and my resistance crumbled within milliseconds. The fact that I didn't reply or even nod didn't change that my sunken head and shoulders did their part in confirming what he had just said. I was scared beyond sanity, and fear was something any Akatsuki member knew how to play with.

I felt his presence coming closer, and for a second I considered hitting him with something that would force him to his knees and make him throw up blood until he'd drown in it. But he was faster than my ability to make that decision, and when he sat down right next to me, way too much in my personal space for someone I just worked on a mission with, it was too late. Nothing would be fast enough to keep him from sticking a Kunai in my chest and make me sputter blood, and give him the satisfaction of seeing it.

"In a way you're lucky it's me who's here, apart from, obviously, having to be here at all, yeah."

"Because it could've been Hidan?"

"Because it could've been pretty much _every one_ but me."

"What makes this any better? I honestly can't see why you can make this any less miserable."

For a short time there was a silence, and he shut up, which was very unlike his usual annoying chatter. The more unusual thing was the next step though, when I felt his hand briefly fly over my upper arm, and made me flinch lightly. It could've been interpreted as somewhat of an attempt to comfort me. Wouldn't it have been an Akatsuki sitting next to me, which made this as likely as the chance of me getting away.

"I…", he started but broke off again, with a supressed sigh. Now _that_ was very much unlike Deidara, and made me throw away my current position which was perfectly made for self-pity, in order to raise my head and look at him. He turned away as soon as I looked up, but I had caught the look in his one blue eye that wasn't hidden behind his hair. There was no mocking. There was no arrogance. All I had been able to see was empathy and sadness, whether for me or for some other reason I didn't know. Hell, I had a hard time believing that I even really saw what I thought I'd just seen.

I sat up a bit more and now my full attention was on him, eager to hear whatever he was trying to choke out, no matter what it would be. He seemed to have trouble telling me, but I _had_ to know why he seemed so earnest and … was it concern? This was unlike any reaction I would've expected, and even though it threw me completely off tracks, it captured me at the same time.

So much emotion, honest emotion that was still somehow completely controlled, was captivating. He didn't seem to let anything more out than he wanted me to see, and yet at the same time he seemed like was being completely honest, for whatever reason.

"I did not join the Akatsuki by choice, yeah.", he simply stated but still refused to look at me, when he continued to mumble, so silent I had trouble understanding what he was saying at all. "I, just like you, had no choice but to join. The only difference is that I settled in. It doesn't mean Leader-sama doesn't give me the chills. You'd be stupid not to fear him, yeah."

What he'd just told me wasn't really anything to go by, nothing particularly personal or intimate, and yet it felt like he'd just opened up more than he had to anyone else in a long time. I didn't realise the tear trickling down my cheek up until the moment my vision began to swim. I had hardly ever cried for a long time, but the tears just wouldn't stop. I didn't sob or wail. In fact, I didn't make any sound at all, but the tears just kept running down my cheeks and falling to the grass. My shoulders were trembling lightly, not because of fear but because I was overwhelmed by pretty much everything, starting from my situation, to his and my giving in, up unto my reaction I couldn't explain.

My trembling and shaking got his attention and made him finally turn to me again, with a frown on his face, his eyebrows knitted together.

"Why are you crying?"

I shook my head and wanted to force myself to try and answer, feeling like I owed him an explanation even though I couldn't give myself one.

"I'm not… I don't…", but it was useless, my tears only increasing every time I tried to form a sentence. By now I couldn't even make out his features sharply anymore because I hadn't wiped the tears out of my eyes yet and they were constantly welling up.

I saw him move, crouching on his feet before settling down next to me, and when he snug an arm around my waist to draw me closer I couldn't stop a mixture between a gasp and a sob from escaping my mouth. I didn't resist though, feeling weaker, more useless, and more pathetic than ever before. But I couldn't bring myself to worry about that, or hide in shame, unable to resist the welcoming warmness of his arms and the softness of the cloak I had come to detest so much. Right now it didn't seem horrible anymore, rather than that the one's wearing it were what made it so frightening. Here and now, on Deidara, it seemed like a safe resort I could crawl into and forget everything else.

I pressed my face into the collar of the cloak, between his neck and his shoulder, and snug my arms around myself, hugging me to stop from shaking although it was no use, so I simply returned to silently crying into his cloak and soaking it with tears, while his arms completely encircled me. I figured he didn't do such things normally, and it probably cost him a lot of overcoming to do this simple gesture, but at the same time he seemed to be content that he wanted to go through with this. It wasn't even his fault, but he gave off the feeling that it was, and that he wanted to right things he couldn't.

I didn't really know at which point I had stopped crying and was just silently sobbing, but it must've been an awfully long time, because I'd fallen asleep. When I woke up I wasn't even entirely sure whether this all had been some sort of longing dream, conjured up from my lonely self, or if it had really happened. Opening my eyes I could tell I had curled up in the soft grass, that was now damp and moist, and soaking into every part of me that connected with the ground. I was wrapped in my cloak, but apart from that nothing gave away what had happened last night. Not that it had been anything worth mentioning, not for usual standards. But this weren't usual standards, such a thing did not apply to the Akatsuki. This had been me, showing the weakness that I wanted to give in to so desperately, and Deidara, who I had thought to be just another heartless enemy, showing the capacity to actually have heart. That thought alone was ridiculous. Had he really tried to comfort me, in a strange and distant way, but nonetheless. Less than three days ago I would've snorted at the thought, but now I wasn't so sure. Yes, someone like Pain or Hidan probably weren't capable of doing something like that, but then again, if I was completely honest, Deidara had always seemed more… human. Could I call it that?

As alluring as the thought of just staying here, curled up in a forest never having to move again, sounded, against better judgement I got up and tried to shake the dew off. It had soaked through my cloak and was uncomfortable chilly, especially in the cool morning air. I heard a light chuckle coming from somewhere behind me and rapidly spun around, a glare already set on my face, only to meet Deidara's face with a bright grin plastered on it. Although he seemed to be amused by my desperate attempt to get the annoying dampness out of my cloak and hair as well, which was all entangled and started to curl in weird waves he shrugged off his cloak at the same time. Underneath the cloak he was wearing only a short sleeved shirt that ended midriff with net underneath and black customary ninja pants. Whatever he wanted to do, he sure as well wouldn't get the expected reaction from me. Nicely toned arms or not.

"Could you stop undressing?", I commented dryly, making sure to sound as disgusted as possible.

"I actually wanted to give you my cloak so you don't get a cold, but suit yourself, yeah.", he snapped, and quickly put the cloak back on. I wasn't sure whether he was simply pissed, or maybe a bit embarrassed because he had wanted to do something seemingly nice, and I had just cut him off and embarrassed him.

I didn't ponder on it long enough to come to a conclusion, and reacted with a laugh instead, that could only be described as utterly arrogant. I nearly felt bad when I saw the expression on his face. Nearly. "I don't get _a cold_, idiot. Didn't anyone tell you why I'm actually in this fucked-up situation in the first place."

As soon as the sentence was out I regretted it. What on earth had gotten me to practically pry him to ask me _what_ exactly had gotten me here anyway. I hadn't shown my Kekkei Genkai and I figured no one actually told him – why should anyone bother with that? – so what had I thought just now. I sure as hell didn't want to explain either. I didn't want to talk to him at all.

My short moment of panic dissolved when he simply replied with his customary "hm" and turned around, signalling me to come with him. I relieved a breath I hadn't realised I had held, and all too willingly trailed after him, as long as we kept on walking and making progress. But still I couldn't get rid of the thought nagging me at the back of my mind. _If you don't want him to talk to you, then why say anything in the first place. Or maybe taking off his cloak DID have an effect after all. _

I had no trouble simply ignoring that stupid little thought. What I did have trouble with was accepting it as a lie. I did not want it to be true, that was the last thing I needed, but I couldn't stop thinking that maybe, just maybe, I was lying to myself when I waved it off as utterly ridiculous. Up on his clay bird, with just the two of us and endless hours of flying there was only so much I could occupy my thoughts with before they wandered back to _that_ topic by themselves, up until the moment they were interrupted by an exaggerated and ridiculously loud sigh.

"Will you tell me already, yeah?"

I didn't immediately react, not only because I wasn't entirely sure what Deidara was talking about, but also because I had to stop myself from punching me in the face for actually inwardly lighting up at the sound of him talking. Just how much could one stupid moment of giving in change me. One moment he was a stupid serial killer I held absolutely no liking for, and the next day the sound of his voice made me actually a bit giddy, and I welcomed it. Ridiculous.

"What?", I retorted grumpily, but it lost its edge due to the fact that I had to half-scream in order for him to hear me over the strong wind.

"Why you're here. And maybe you could explain in more than just four words, yeah."

I caught the glimpse of a smirk at the corner of his mouth, and quickly looked away to hide the fact that he'd gotten me to smile as well. He wasn't actually looking back at me, but you never knew. I didn't exactly want him to know that he'd managed to creep up on me, at least a little bit.

"Nope."

This time I didn't bother to turn away and hide the smirk on my lips, might as well let him see it. He had practically asked for this one. However before he could say anything else, and by now I knew he liked to delve into soliloquies, I added: "Maybe I'll show you at some point. It's hard to explain, especially up here, mid-flight, when I actually fear for my life."

This time he did turn around to face me, an unbelieving yet somehow gleeful look on his face. I hadn't seen it before, but it definitely suited him.

"So you do use more than four words in a sentence.", he chuckled while keeping his eye intently fixed on my face. I hadn't planned to answer quite so detailed, it had just kind of slipped out, and now I felt the urge to cover my face and hide the blush I felt creeping up on my cheeks. To say I felt uncomfortable under his gaze was an understatement. The blue of his eye was so intense, I couldn't look away, no matter how much it made me squirm. And the bastard seemed to know exactly how I felt, and savoured every moment. Whether it was intentionally or not, his eye flicked down to my lips for a short second, but the effect was immediately. I had noticed, and this time I couldn't hide the blush, not at all. What was he doing, why didn't he stop. I was at a point where I'd prefer jumping off the stupid bird rather than sitting here any longer.

But before I could do anything rash the intense atmosphere that had captured me unwillingly until now dissolved, the spell broken by a humoured laugh coming from Deidara.

"That's a new emotion!"

I managed to quickly regain my composure, in order to hide just how much he'd thrown me off track.

"Pretty much every emotion is a new emotion on me."

He simply replied with a nonplussed "Yeah." And turned back around, leaving me even more confused. How the hell was I supposed to interpret all of this. It wasn't like I stumbled over some stranger, who happened to be a dangerous S-ranked missing-nin that apparently had the mental capability of a sixteen year old every day. Well to be honest, I was being a bit unfair, he wasn't exactly childish. It was more like his carefree and happy nature was so out of place for an Akatsuki member, that I had trouble sorting him into any kind of category, let alone reading his intentions. I wasn't good at that to begin with, but now that had allowed him close enough to interact in some way other than not talking at all I had more trouble than ever before. My reaction just before didn't really help either.

* * *

A/N: Anyone over Neji's death yet btw? I knew it was coming but I refuse to watch it, reading about i was bad enough for a lifetime :(

Have a great week! :)


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